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PorkfatRules
These plans are idiot-proof, but I am a very talented idiot
I bought these Basic Tool Workbench Plans because I was tired of assembling my projects on a precarious stack of milk crates and an old door. I figured, “Hey, John Malecki makes this look easy while yelling at a camera, surely I can do it in the silence of my own garage.”
The Plans: The digital download is incredible. It’s step-by-step, includes a cut list, and is so clearly laid out that even someone who thinks "wood glue" is a condiment can follow it. The PDF is crisp, the measurements are precise, and it even tells you which tools you’ll need.
The Execution (The "Me" Factor): Now, let’s talk about my build. As you can see from the photo below, I followed the plans... conceptually.
I decided that "square" was more of a suggestion than a rule. I also learned that if you measure twice and cut once, you still have a 50% chance of cutting the wrong side of the line. I ran out of screws halfway through and started using some rusty nails I found in a jar labeled "Misc," and I’m pretty sure the bottom shelf is held up by sheer willpower and a prayer.
The Result: Even with my "artistic" flair for structural instability, this bench is a beast. Despite my best efforts to ruin John’s reputation, the design is so solid that it still holds my miter saw without screaming. It has a slight "personality lean" to the left, which is great because all my pens now roll conveniently into one corner so I always know where they are.
Verdict: If you want a workbench that actually works, buy these plans. If you follow them exactly, you’ll have a professional-grade shop centerpiece. If you follow them like I did, you’ll have a hilarious conversation starter that is still somehow better than anything you could buy at a big-box store.
Plus, I got entries into the giveaway. If I win that golf cart, I’m going to use it to haul this bench to a museum of "What Not To Do," and then I'll use the remaining wood to build a second one—properly this time.
10/10. Would fail to measure correctly again.
Basic Tool Workbench Plan
PorkfatRules
This shirt is a lie, and I love it.
Listen, I bought this shirt because I needed an intervention. I’m the kind of person who goes into the hardware store for a single 1/4" drill bit and comes out with a sliding compound miter saw and a set of Japanese chisels I don’t even know how to sharpen yet.
I thought wearing a shirt that literally says “Don’t Let Me Buy TOOLS” would act like a legal restraining order for my wallet. I was wrong. It’s actually a homing beacon for other tool addicts.
The Fit: It’s made of that premium ringspun cotton that’s soft enough to wipe away the tears of my bank account balance, but tough enough to handle the sawdust from the table saw I definitely wasn’t supposed to buy. I went with the garment-dyed black because it hides the oil stains and the shame of my growing Milwaukee collection perfectly.
The Irony: The best part? Every dollar I spent on this shirt gave me entries into a giveaway to win more tools. It’s like being in a "Sugar Addicts Anonymous" meeting where the snack table is just a giant pile of donuts. John Malecki is basically a pusher, and this shirt is my official uniform for the addiction.
The Results: I wore this to Home Depot yesterday. A guy in the lumber aisle saw the shirt, laughed, and then pointed me toward a clearance sale on cordless impacts. I bought two. This shirt doesn't stop you from buying tools—it just lets everyone know that you’ve reached the "acceptance" stage of your problem.
Verdict: If you want to look like a professional builder while making a cry for help that no one will answer, buy this shirt. It’s comfortable, it’s hilarious, and it’s the only thing in my shop that actually fits better than my new $400 cabinet clamps.
10/10. Will probably buy another one to wear while I buy more tools.
P.S. I had some fun with AI as a product improvement suggestion.
Don't Let Me Buy TOOLS T-shirt
Karen Ness
Great product
My husband was thrilled to receive the shirts. All great quality, true to size, good fit. He's lookin extra sexy in his new shirts.
Nice Caulk T-Shirt Black
Mathieu Letourneau
Perfect.
Well explain
Complete Woodworking Plan Bundle $99
Caitlin
Shop Glasses
My husband and I watch your videos and have learned so much. My husband was so excited to receive your shop glasses for Christmas! We have been very busy this holiday season so have not had a chance to use them yet, but my son says they work great. Thank you!
